Moving forward

I'm feeling pretty good today. I found a really great place that I can afford, so that's put my mind at ease and relieved some major stress. I quickly learned that first, I don't have time to fall apart here...I gave myself about 30 minutes yesterday to cry and just let everything go, but now it's total survival mode. I refuse to stop living because one part of my life has come to a halt. I'm fortunate to have so many people reaching out to help me with whatever I need...from home cooked meals, moving boxes, nights out on the town, tons of people who just want to talk and even a movie, it's support everywhere I turn and it helps so very much! It's a process and one that I can handle with so many good friends.

Second, I better get organized, and fast. I didn't realize just how dysfunctional I was until I started looking around at my junk. Holy WOW I have a lot of papers. My apartment is only 400 sq ft so I'm cleaning out my clutter and starting over fresh. Moving day is in 6 days so I've got to start shredding this crap now.

Yes, IM training continues. I had goals for June but as of today I'm not sure where I'm at with them. I lost track about a week ago and have not taken the time to sit and recalculate. I'm sure I was close, but probably missed the mark on both the run and bike..I've been a little distracted here. I am on the hunt for a PT job...I applied for a couple places yesterday so I hope to find a way to make it all work. I can't imagine giving up IM, but I also can't imaging being homeless so a job will always come first.

My posts might be slow coming as I find myself focused on other things at the moment but I'll try and keep it updated at least weekly. A million thanks to friends! You make this process so much easier! As my relationship comes to an end just know that we are not fighting or making it nasty...we both want to remain friends with each other, and all of you.

This is how I'm feeling....Rick and I broke up, which means I can't really work PT anymore so I have to either give up IM training (which ultimately means give up IM) or give up school to go back to work and I'm not sure which one I should let go.

The hardest

Today's workout was by far the hardest I've had yet. I'm not sure if it was the heat, along with the uphill ride, or the combination of my tired legs, the heat and uphill climb. It flat out sucked!

The plan was to ride up Pima out to Bartlett Lake, meet Dave there and swim. Almost immediately I could feel my quads say, no, no, no...so the ride just up Pima was the slowest I think I've ever done...it took me over a hour just to get 10 miles...ugh. I seriously thought several times about giving up. I was just getting baked in the sun, sweat was pouring down into my eyes and all I could think about was the hill that started at Pima and Cave Creek...why did I sign up for all this? OMG

I can't believe it only took me 3.5 hours to get there...it was the longest most difficult time of my entire training - multiplied by 10. HARD! I do not want to visit that workout again for a long time. Part of the ride up towards the lake my quads felt like somebody punched them so I walked about 6 miles and considered more but I needed to just get it done and cool off. I was surprised at how many cars passed me but nobody stopped to see if I was okay....clearly anyone walking that long road with a bike in hand is not okay...I would have accepted a ride at that point.

Well look who comes pulling up - DAVE! At this point I had less than 5 miles to go with a huge decent coming so as he asked if I wanted a ride to the finish I said no...what the hell was I thinking? There is no shame in getting a ride but something inside didn't want to disappoint him, and I was so close to being done. I finally made it and that water was a perfect ending..it was very cool and over too quick...I wanted to sit in the cool spots for awhile, but also wanted to get the hell out of there. Not sure how far we swam, but it was nice to be off my bike.

I'm toast. These past 3 days have really challenged me and I can't keep this pace. No matter how early we start, the heat is going to get worse. I have to think that if I can endure these next 4 months, I can get through the Ironman. Right??

Let's wrap this up

Training has continued and this week has not been any easier then weeks past. In fact, this week has really kicked my butt so far. I'm working harder then I've ever worked before. It started with a 16 mile run on Monday...with a gym workout in the middle. Today Dave and I biked 1 Ironman loop, which was a little more brutal then I had expected. It's a really LONG route out there with nothing but dry, hot freeway. Right now I can't imagine doing it 3 times. Tomorrow I'm biking to Bartlett again (3rd time) followed by a swim, which I'll certainly enjoy after a hot ride. I'm looking forward to a day off sometime this week.

Getting prepared for the Bartlett ride is kinda fun. I get to buy chips and candy and NOT feel bad about it. It's only 44 miles, but it's a brutal uphill ride the entire way pretty much so I'll need all the calories I can get - especially with a swim planned right after the ride. One thing I've learned about myself is that my body needs lots of food and drink in order to perform. I fall apart when I go too long without food.

Dave and I talked today about my training and I really only have 4 months left because the last month is pretty easy training..it's coming up fast!! He's confident I'll be ready, but I'm not a consistent rider....he told me today that I still back off on the hills.

These past 3 days have really pushed my limited. Each workout I think is the hardest and I can't believe I'm still able to walk at this point. I am encouraged by Dave's confidence in my ability...I hang on every word he says so as long as he says I can....then I can...

What a week

Wow..this week has gone by pretty fast...I need more days...I need more time. I was going to have a "girls night out" with a friend but Dave put the brakes on that by giving me 60 bike and 15 run miles to get done in two days...plus I have to study for a math exam, see my Dr., and get my hair cut. I'm exhausted just thinking about all of it.

Just about all my friends are headed up to Flag. to race in the Barn Burner this weekend...I was thinking about going, but have too much goin on so I don't think I'll make it. Best of luck and happy riding friends.

Fixes

I did get my car fixed..it turned out to be my battery. I'm SO glad it wasn't more. I also got my neck fixed..or feeling better at least. The Chiropractor "aligned" my neck (more like cracked the hell out of it) and wow, it felt so much better after. I'd like to get "aligned" all the time! It's in the same feel good category as a massage.

This week has been tough with Dave gone. I managed to bike/run, but not at the level I'm sure he'd like. I eagerly await his return on Monday. I'm not behind on miles, but not as far ahead as I could be.

My friend Mayita is doing the 1/2 Boise IM today so I'm watching for her updates online. The race starts at 2pm, which seems a little odd to me, but keep her in your thoughts. Go Mayita!

urg

Well, so much for my workout...my car won't start and Rick is out of town..I think it's a bad ignition switch so now I have to wait for a tow truck...